Several years ago a good friend of mine once told me, “your parents raised to be the person you are, but it’s your own damn fault if you stay that way.” I’ve always remembered that saying and have tried to utilize it while I raise my children.
You might ask, ‘why is that such a good thing to remember?’ For me, it’s all about how you look at it. I have always looked at it as a reminder to not pass on my faults to my children. If they are so unfortunate to receive from me those faults that I possess, I at least hope to make my kids aware of them so they can make the necessary changes in their own lives.
I have been guilty of passing on more than just my faults as a person, but also genetically. Both Merrick and Sophia have heart conditions that come from me. Even though it is something that I cannot control I feel like I’m carrying a burden of responsibility. Watching Merrick yesterday suffer as no 2 year old should was a lot to bear. All he wants to do is play as any other child would. Little does he know that he may never get to fully play as others will. This absolutely breaks my heart.
As I mope and feel sorry for myself and my children, I’m reminded that others have gone through much worse. All one must do is spend a short time at Primary Children’s Hospital or any children’s hospital and you will see a lifetime of pain and suffering happening to a young child with some rare or abnormal malady. Your own problems then become lighter burdens to bear as you see this small young child fighting strong to overcome.
I know that I cannot do anything to change what is physically happening with my children’s hearts. I can only try to do my best to give them the tools to overcome all that may befall them in this life. I pray that they may overcome what may seem like insurmountable trials both physically and spiritually.
Yesterday, Monday October 26 we took Merrick in for his latest assessment. The doctors said that it was time for something to be done. Our cardiologists are now in talks with surgeons about what the possibilites are and what the plan is for him. We will find out in the coming days what the surgeons think can be done. From there we schedule the surgery and pray for the best. Regardless of the exact route the surgeons take, the surgery will require that they stop his heart and lungs and place him on a heart/lung machine. The seriousness of the procedure is of the utmost, thus my grave concern and seemingly random reflection on parenting.
