Good Riddance 2009

 


Good Riddance 2009

One totaled vehicle by a pregnant wife, $47,500.

One premature little baby girl via emergency C-section with a collapsed lung in the NICU, $62,000+.

One open heart surgery on a 2 ½ year old, $70,000+ and counting.

Being a husband and father, priceless. 

I for one am glad 2009 is over and by the sounds of it I’m not alone.  I’m not really the type that puts much emphasis on dates or years but this calendar year has been one catastrophe after another; I’m glad to see it go. 

We started the year off with Andrea totaling our car while she was 8 months pregnant.  Four days thereafter Sophia was born.  She ended up in the NICU because she was premature.  So premature that one of her lungs collapsed from being underdeveloped and overworked.  Needless to say that was a very difficult period. 

Then Merrick had his well documented surgery (*) over the Thanksgiving holiday.

And finally to send the year out with a bang, I start having chest pains, of which of course I told no one about. When I called for an appointment to see my cardiologist they tell me he’s booked until February.  I explain my situation and they manage to squeeze me in for a stress echo on Dec. 29^th.  I wanted to keep this my little secret because I didn’t want Andrea anymore stressed out that she has already been.  If it wasn’t for McKay Dee calling the house to preregister me, then no one would ever have known about it.  Thanks McKay Dee for that one; you added a little more stress to Andrea’s holidays that I was trying to avoid.  Then, on Christmas Eve while playing hockey early in the morning, as we do each year, I separate my shoulder.  It was a good one too; the ER feared I needed surgery to repair a possible torn rotator cuff.  The 29^th rolls around and I have to go run on a treadmill for my stress echo.  Needless to say that didn’t happen.  I did get a regular echo done and everything appears to be ok for now.  So my heart condition remains “moderate-severe” and I’m good for another year.  The following day I went to see the orthopedic surgeon to see about my shoulder.  Fortunately it seems I have a normal grade 2 shoulder separation that will only require time to heal. 

It seems like we may be starting off 2010 the way we ended 2009.  Gavin now has walking pneumonia and is pretty sick.  It just seems like everyone is always sick and all our finances go towards outrageous doctors bills.  I got a $1600 ER visit for my shoulder.  I spent a grand total of maybe 20 minutes with either a tech, RN, or Dr.  Most of that time was spent taking a few x-rays.  The rest of the time I was just sitting there wasting time.  It basically cost $1600 bucks for an arm sling and some x-rays.  Ya that sounds about right.  Now Merrick has been complaining that his back hurts.  We just found out that it appears to be a staph infection in his kidneys.  He will go in for an ultrasound of his kidneys in a week or so (I forget the date).

Our luck had better change or I’m going to go insane.  Oh yes, I almost forgot (again) that in the mist of all this turmoil Gavin had his first basketball practice, and his idiot of a father couldn’t even remember to take a picture.  I think I’m losing my mind.  Thanks again everyone for all your support, without it we would be lost.

One Tough Monkey

We just took Merrick to Primary Children's this morning for his post operative evaluation. He is healing very well. They took off the bandage and now the scar is visible. It looks worse than it really is because of the paste they use to seal it up on the outside.

The clinic cardiologist even gave us some hope that Merrick may not have to have surgery again real soon. They may be able to delay surgery through the use of medicines. I know what you’re thinking, “Why didn’t they just do that to begin with?” The answer to that is the severity of the problem in his heart. The meds would have put him at a greater risk for complications. Now that part of the problem with his heart has been addressed, that being the narrowness of the valve, the meds may be able to help stem the unwanted backflow through the valve. At this point it’s still only a possibility, but hey that’s what faith is for right?

We will know more after we take both Merrick and Sophia in for their heart checkups in February. Merrick’s issues have been an ongoing issue and always will be. Now we have to see about Sophia’s condition too. Please pray that her condition isn’t as serious.

Thank you all for your support and we love you.

Is it better?

I have just now found that I enjoy writing about the many things I think about.  I feel that it gives me an outlet and helps to solidify my thoughts and feelings on certain issues.  This is my latest and I've decided to share it. 

Is it better?

For some time now I’ve pondered these lines from Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam,

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

For nearly 3 years now I have pondered those two last lines.  Ever since Merrick was born we have lived with the understanding that he could pass on at a moment’s notice.   He has a heart that is severely inefficient and therefore unpredictable.  He has now had his first surgery and the surgery was not a great success.  We were hoping for some kind of reprieve from this dark cloud of fear and anxiety that hangs over us.  Nevertheless we must continue on with this certain uncertainty in our lives. 

As I was sitting in the hospital with Merrick over this past Thanksgiving weekend I received a phone call from my mother-in-law.  In a quivering voice she explained that a close cousin of Andrea’s had just perished in a motocross accident.  He leaves behind a beautiful family with two young children and an expecting wife who is due later this month.  I consider him and his own as family too and I have a great fondness and respect for them.  My heart began to ache as I thought of all the ramifications his passing holds for those near and dear to him. 

Again I began to contemplate the notion that Lord Tennyson presents that it is “better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”  Understanding that I am powerless to control the events that unfurl in this life I realize that I must be thankful for this life’s experiences regardless of what they may be.  In this very case I’m grateful for my children and the experiences that they bless me with.  I am grateful for knowing Brian and his family and the example they are to me.  I feel a great sorrow in my soul for the events that have taken place but I understand they happen for a reason. Only a coward would rather be enveloped in ignorance not wanting to be vulnerable to life’s pain.  For it has been said that ‘without pain there can be no pleasure.’  The idea that ‘ignorance is bliss’ is a lie from the master of all lies.  It is impossible to know a divine pleasure such as bliss without knowing its inverse and thus we have the essence of our existence in this state of being.  Through my children, family, and friendships I have felt true bliss and I have also felt pain and sorrow. 

Lord Tennyson must have been inspired to pen such a lasting and eternally insightful statement.  It is my opinion that it is indeed “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  The laughs, tears and loves that are experienced in this life is life itself.  To deprive oneself these feelings and wish for a life of ignorance is selfish and cowardly and is the antithesis to the purpose of our existence here on earth.  All life is mortal and temporal in this state.  We often forget that this state of being is but a grain of sand on the shores of time and shall pass in the blink of an eternal eye.  The love we cultivate will continue past the time we lost with our loved ones here.  The pain and sorrow of regrets will retreat when the understanding of eternal life prevails.  We will reunite again in an eternal glory and give praise to our Father on high and his Son, who has saved us, for the experiences that have been afforded us. 

Does the acceptance of the line, “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all,” make it easier to accept the loss of a loved one?  I do not believe it is so.  The sorrow must remain for a time as it is conversely bound to love and the perceived loss of that love.  The line does, nevertheless, serve as a reminder that love is greater than sorrow.  The pain and sorrow will pass and love will endure as we remember all the laughs, tears, and times we've had together.  As we move forward in this difficult time I will use Lord Tennyson’s declaration as a reminder to make the best of the times we have together.  I will cherish my family and friends and do my best to serve them.